dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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