I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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