I want to make a zoo with you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
