she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
