i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
