I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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