cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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