I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
