I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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