At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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