so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
