I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sober January is a disaster.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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