I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
