Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
