I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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