You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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