will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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