I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Shitshow foam night was such a success
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
