maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think people are normalizing furries
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
