Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
