Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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