Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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