Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize