i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
