I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i dont even know how to be here
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
