Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
