Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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