you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
