i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
