I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
