that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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