$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
