And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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