I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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