my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
