i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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