I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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