i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
