I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
