i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
