I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
