im six kinds of drunk right now
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
