He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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