that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
