No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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