So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
