Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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