just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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