please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
