Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
