I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
