Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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