Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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