She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
