I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
