...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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