Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
