she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
