I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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