I cannot find my penis.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
