I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
