It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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