just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
