She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
