If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
