I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't put those talents on a resume
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
