I can tuck mytits in my pants
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i came on her dog
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
