Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
