if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
