So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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