No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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