The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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