You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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