kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
