you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
