wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
