So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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