my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
