Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
