she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
