i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
