her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
